


broken

by lostresidentevilpotter



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 20:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostresidentevilpotter/pseuds/lostresidentevilpotter
Summary: “I promise, I will do everything in my power to stay alive,” Al says and then immediately proceeds to put her life in danger.Or, 5 times Al makes a promise she can't keep to Alicia. Canon through 4x16.





	broken

1

The first time Alicia asks, she’s barely even friends with Al. But Alicia does need her, at least in this moment. The factory is still hardly livable, but Morgan has them out trying to assist someone anyway. Alicia volunteers, eager to prove herself to Morgan. She hasn’t lost faith in their mission yet – she doesn’t even know she will lose faith, down the road. She hooks her gun barrel on her belt and slides into her leather jacket.

It’s a simple mission. A guy named Ryan is trapped in a gas station, surrounded by walkers, only about ten miles away.

“We don’t all need to go,” Morgan says. “Two of us should do the job. Everyone else should stay here and finish setting up the factory.”

The factory won’t be “finished” for another month, but no one knows this yet, either. Alicia volunteers, and she expects Luci or Strand to step up next. Or even Charlie. The last person she expects to go with her is Al, but that’s exactly what Al does. She steps forward, a crooked grin on her face, trench spikes in her hands. Her rifle’s slung over her shoulder, and when she catches Alicia’s eye, she winks and immediately makes Alicia wish she hadn’t bothered to volunteer.

“Hurry,” Morgan says, passing the keys to the van off to Al. “He needs our help, and this is our first real –”

“We know, Morgan. God,” Al interrupts. She snatches the keys out of his hand and jerks her head toward the door. “Let’s go, Alicia, before he lectures so long that the poor dude dies before we even leave.”

It’s harsh, maybe, but Alicia stifles a giggle and rushes out to the van with Al. They find the gas station easily, not speaking a single word until they pull up on the building surrounded with walkers.

“Wait,” Alicia says, grabbing Al’s wrist before she can get out of the van. “Don’t we need a plan?”

“I have one,” Al says. She shakes Alicia’s hand off her wrist. “Save Ryan, don’t die. What more do we need?”

“A _real _plan?”

Al shrugs. “How about this: kill all the walkers, rescue the dumbass, go home?”

And then she’s gone. Alicia nearly falls out of the van and has to hurry after Al. She can’t _believe _Al’s plan is to just…start killing the walkers. Jesus, there’s at least fifty, maybe more. Al goads them away from the gas station and kills them as they approach. Alicia is forced to adopt the same strategy, but she doesn’t like how easily it could be for the entire herd to turn from the station and surround her and Al.

“Hey, over here, you ugly motherfucker!” Al shouts. “That’s right! Come here!”

“Stop yelling,” Alicia hisses. “You’re going to draw too many of them to us!”

“We can handle it.”

“I don’t want to die like this, okay?” Alicia snaps.

Al laughs. “You aren’t going to die, sweetheart. I won’t let that happen.”

“And why should I trust you?”

Al smirks, kills another walker, and says, “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

Alicia’s eyes widen, but she holds off on replying until she kills the four incoming walkers. To Alicia’s surprise, they’ve already seriously thinned out the ranks of the dead. “Just – promise me you aren’t going to die and leave me out here alone with this Ryan guy,” Alicia splutters.

“I promise,” Al says.

“And why should I trust you?” Alicia sneers.

“I’m not really interested in dying yet, sweetheart,” Al replies. “So I promise I’ll do everything in my power to stay alive. Okay?”

Alicia accepts that for now and kills the last walker, still pressing its face against the glass. Alicia kicks the door in and ducks into the dark gas station, searching for any sign of Ryan.

“Ryan?” Alicia calls tentatively. “Are you in here?”

She hears Al step in behind her, and she trades her trench spikes for the rifle. That sets Alicia on edge; she doesn’t carry guns anymore. She hasn’t had a reason to carry a gun recently.

“There’s nothing in here,” Al grunts.

“So why are all the walkers gathered around the station?” Alicia replies.

There’s a _click_, and Alicia whips around in time to see the man that must be Ryan pressing the barrel of his pistol against the back of Al’s head. He forces Al to drop the rifle and kick it aside. She raises her hands in surrender.

“Give me your keys,” he commands. “Now.”

Alicia’s throat goes dry.

“Should’ve let the walkers have you, huh?” Al replies, as calmly as ever. Alicia’s heart pounds in her throat, and she kind of feels like she could pass out. She can’t do anything. She needs to get close to Ryan to be able to kill him with the gun barrel, and she knows that won’t happen. He’s watching her out of the corner of his eye.

“Just give me your fucking keys, and I’ll go,” Ryan spits. “I don’t care if you live or die. I just want your van.”

“Al,” Alicia says quietly. “Give him the keys.”

“Are you fucking insane?” Al snaps.

“You can give them to me, or I can take them off your corpse,” Ryan adds.

“Good luck,” Al snorts.

“Al,” Alicia says sharply. “Don’t push him. Just give him the keys.”

“No!”

“You’re really willing to die for a hunk of metal?” Ryan asks.

“Fine,” Al says. “But they’re on Alicia.”

Wait, _what_? Alicia does _not _have – oh. Ryan’s attention immediately turns to Alicia, though the barrel of his gun stays aimed at the back of Al’s head. Al turns her head toward Alicia ever so slightly, just enough so she can flash Alicia a reassuring smile and wink.

“Well?” Ryan says, holding his free hand out. “Give them here, or your friend dies.”

“Okay,” Alicia says. She takes careful steps forward and reaches into her jacket. There’s nothing in her pocket, but he doesn’t know that. He’s just distracted enough for Al to move her head away from the barrel and attempt to disarm him. The gun goes off before Ryan has let go, and both Al and Ryan cry out in the moments before the handgun clatters to the floor.

Alicia scoops it up and fires it before she consciously thinks about her actions. Ryan stumbles back as blood spreads across the front of his shirt, and Alicia puts two more bullets into his chest for good measure. Al staggers away from him, her hand pressed against the side of her neck, and she manages to pick her rifle back up.

“Nice shot,” Al breathes. Alicia stands frozen with the gun held tightly in both hands, still aimed at the spot where Ryan had been standing. Al slings the rifle over her shoulder and pries the gun away from Alicia with her free hand. “Come on,” Al says. “We need to go before he gets up and before we have more company, okay?”

Alicia doesn’t move until Al grabs her by the arm and tugs her along. There are already walkers emerging from the surrounding area. Al slaps the keys into Alicia’s hand and tells her to move them far enough away from the station. They drive a few miles up the road and stop, and only then does Alicia snap out of her trance.

“You’re hurt,” Alicia says.

“I can handle it,” Al dismisses. “Just – crawl in the back and get me the first aid kit, yeah?”

“Shouldn’t June –”

“I’ve got it,” Al insists. “Do what I said.”

Alicia hauls herself into the back of the van and digs up the first aid kit. To Alicia’s surprise, Al follows her. She still hasn’t taken her hand away from her neck, and when Alicia finally peels Al’s hand off, Al winces and turns her head away.

“It’s just a graze,” Alicia says. “The bleeding’s under control.”

“I know. I’d be dead if it wasn’t.”

Alicia presses her lips together. “Take your jacket off,” she instructs. “I can’t get to the wound.”

Al fights her way out of her jacket and unbuttons the top few buttons of her shirt for good measure. “Better?”

“Much.”

Alicia cleans the blood up, flushes out the wound, and securely tapes gauze over it. Al watches her the entire time she works, but Alicia doesn’t let it unnerve her.

“Something’s wrong,” Al says after Alicia steps back to admire her work.

“What?”

“With you,” Al says. “Something’s wrong with you.”

Alicia exhales and shakes her head. “It’s not important.”

“Is it because I promised to do my best not to die then almost died, like, right away?”

Alicia cracks a weary smile and shrugs. “No,” she lies. “I mean, it’s mostly that we drove all the way out here to help this asshole and he tried to rob us.”

“And now he’s dead,” Al adds. “What a waste of effort.”

“Exactly. And you – I mean, you _did _almost die.”

Al shrugs. “That’s nothing new. And to be fair, I did everything I could to _not _die, right? I’m still here.”

“Yeah, but I killed that guy.”

“We all kill people.”

Alicia glares. “I try not to.”

“You’re doing a great job.”

“You know what, fuck you –”

“Calm down,” Al interrupts. She smiles even though it just seems to make Alicia angrier, at least until she says, “You killed him to save me. I owe you.”

“I don’t want you to owe me,” Alicia replies. “I want you to stay alive.”

“How was I supposed to know he was going to sneak up on me like that?”

“Just – pay better attention to your surroundings,” Alicia says.

“I could say the same thing to you.”

Alicia sighs heavily. “Let’s just go back and forget this ever happened, okay? We’ll just – we’ll just tell Morgan we were too late.”

“And my neck?”

“Tell him I accidentally shot you. Kidding! I don’t know. Tell him you cut it on a piece of glass when we went through the window and found Ryan dead.”

“You think June will believe that?”

“Convince her,” Alicia says. “You’re a good liar.”

They go back to the factory. They tell Morgan they were too late to help Ryan. June doesn’t question Al’s injury, even if she does give Al a suspicious look when she first checks it.

This doesn’t make Alicia and Al friends. At least, that’s what Alicia tells herself. It _does _give them a shared secret, a moment only they know about.

But that doesn’t mean they’re friends.

2

The second time is stupid, and they still aren’t friends when it happens. Neither Alicia nor Al fesses up about what really happened with Ryan, not even when June finally confronts Al about her neck injury. Alicia overhears part of their conversation, and Al denies everything.

Alicia thinks maybe that conversation is the reason why Al shows up at her bedroom and throws the door open. Alicia startles, instinctively reaching for her gun barrel, but Al starts speaking before Alicia reaches it.

“Come on,” Al says. “We’re going on a run.”

“Wait,” Alicia says. “_We _are? Why aren’t you going with June?”

“Because you’re coming with me,” Al says. “Get ready. I want to leave within the next ten minutes.”

Ten minutes later, they’re in the van, driving away from the factory. Alicia sneaks glances at Al. The whole Ryan fiasco only went down a week ago, but Al’s neck is no longer bandaged. The scar is small, though, easy to miss if you don’t know what to look for.

“How long is this going to take?” Alicia asks. She normally goes on runs with Luci or Strand. Luci always rushes, never wants to be out longer than necessary. Strand takes his time, and what should be an hour long affair usually ends up being an all-day kind of trip.

“It takes as long as it takes,” Al replies.

“What kind of bullshit answer is that?” Alicia grumbles.

Al reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper. She tosses the piece of paper into Alicia’s lap, and Alicia opens it, eyebrows pulled together.

“June sent us with a list,” Al informs. “We need all the items on it. If it takes an hour to find it all, then it takes an hour.”

“And if we look all day and don’t find anything?” Alicia questions.

“We’ll radio June and figure it out,” Al says. “Is that a good enough answer for you?”

“I guess,” Alicia mutters. She folds the paper neatly and tucks it into her pocket. “Why’d you pick me?”

Al laughs. “To get away from June. She keeps harassing me about my neck. I know if I came out here with her, she’d keep nagging me about it.”

“She doesn’t believe our lie,” Alicia says.

“Of course she doesn’t. She’s not an idiot. She knows it looks like graze wound from a bullet.”

“You haven’t told her?”

“No. She’ll tell John, and he’ll tell Morgan.”

Alicia hesitates. “Maybe we should tell Morgan. He’s going to keep trying. Maybe if he knows people are going to take advantage of us like Ryan did –”

Al snorts. “You think he’ll stop? Good luck convincing him.”

“So…you don’t think we should be helping people?” Alicia asks.

“I don’t think we should be endangering ourselves by going out of our way to help people like Ryan,” Al says.

“We didn’t know he’d be like that.”

“Exactly.”

Alicia lets the conversation die. She feels better knowing Al’s on her side about Morgan’s newfound mission to help. They drive in comfortable silence as Al searches for a place to raid. They roll into an abandoned town, and Al slows the van.

“What do you think?” Al asks.

Alicia scans their surroundings. “We should stop,” she says. “It doesn’t look like this place has been stripped of everything yet.”

“I’m sure we’ll change that,” Al says. She knocks her fist playfully against Alicia’s arm. “Come on.”

Alicia has learned her lesson; this time around, she carries a gun. Al slings her rifle over her shoulder, and Alicia pulls her Glock from the holster at her hip. Alicia’s gun barrel is effective against walkers, but people are a different story, and thanks to Morgan’s new mission, they’re going to be coming into contact with a lot more people.

They cross off more than half the list in one store, and Al hums a song Alicia thinks she recognizes as they haul supplies into the back of the van.

“What’s left?” Al asks.

Alicia consults the list. “It’s all medical supplies,” she says. “We’re gonna need to find a pharmacy.”

Al holds her hand out, and Alicia passes her the list. Al reads it over for herself and nods. “Pharmacy it is,” she agrees. They get back into the van, and Alicia hopes this trip will be a quick one after all.

The van rounds a corner, and their eyes lock onto the town’s pharmacy. Alicia’s so focused on the building up ahead that she doesn’t see it.

“Why are we stopping?” Alicia asks, turning to look to Al.

“Look,” Al says. She points at the road ahead of them, and Alicia looks. It’s a woman – a young woman, maybe Alicia’s age. Maybe younger. She’s on her knees in the middle of the road, her black hair concealing her face. She sits there, unmoving. She’s no walker, that’s for sure.

“We need to find a way around her,” Alicia says.

“What would Morgan say to you about that?” Al says. Her lips twist into a wry smile. “She might be injured.”

Alicia rolls her eyes. “Like I was?”

“Yeah,” Al says. “Just like you were.”

“Did you forget how that went down?” Alicia asks.

“Of course not. You threatened to cut my throat with that barrel and I ended up with my hands zip tied behind my back.”

“So we go around her,” Alicia says.

Al puts the van in park. “We’ll be more careful this time,” she says. “We’ll just make sure she’s okay.”

“This is a bad idea.”

“Just keep your gun pointed at her,” Al says. “I’ll do the rest.”

Alicia grabs Al’s wrist before she can leave the van. “I mean it,” Alicia says. “I think this is a bad idea.”

“She’s a kid,” Al says.

“A kid killed my brother,” Alicia says bluntly.

“Are you going to have my back or not?” Al asks.

Alicia presses her lips together. “We’re doing this again?” Alicia says quietly. “What if this is the Ryan thing all over again?”

Her eyes drop to the fresh scar on Al’s neck, and Al shakes her head. “It won’t be,” she says. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

They leave the van. Alicia points the Glock at the girl right away. Al does the same with the rifle but with a lessened sense of urgency. Al leads the way, and Alicia searches the surrounding buildings for any signs of other people. What are the odds that this girl has set a trap identical to Alicia’s?

“Hey,” Al calls. “It’s okay. We’re here to help. I need you to show me your hands, please.”

Alicia’s body tenses, but to her surprise, the girl sits back on her heels and raises her hands. Al takes this as a good sign and walks faster. Alicia lingers behind her until they’re right in front of the girl.

“Can you stand?” Al asks.

In response, the girl sits back so her legs are in front of her. She rips open her pant leg, exposing the bloodied mess her calf has been turned into. Al exchanges a wary look with Alicia but lowers her rifle.

“Help me get her up,” Al tells Alicia.

“It’s not worth it,” the girl says, startling Alicia. “You can’t help me. I’m already dead.”

“Not yet,” Al says. “There’s got to be something we can do for you.”

The girl grits her teeth, glaring up at Al. “You can put a bullet in my head,” she snarls.

“Al, we should go,” Alicia whispers. “We can’t help her.”

Al holds her hand up. Alicia grasps onto Al’s shoulder, but Al shrugs her off. “She’s just paranoid,” Al tells the girl. “What’s your name?”

The girl stares up at Al for a long moment before she says, “Madison.”

Alicia feels like she’s been punched in the throat. It’s just a name, of course. The name of this poor girl who’s literally dying before their eyes. Al spares a glance toward Alicia. Alicia’s hand trembles, and she slowly lowers the Glock.

“Madison,” Al says. “I’m Al. This is Alicia. Are you out here alone?”

Madison nods. “Everyone else is dead,” she says. “I’m the last one left.”

“I know what it’s like,” Al says, “to be the last one.” She holds her hands out. “You don’t have to die out here alone.”

Madison hesitates, but she takes Al’s hands and lets Al pull her to her feet. Her bad leg crumples the moment her foot touches the ground, but Al keeps her from collapsing.

“Alicia,” Al grunts. Alicia stands frozen until Al says, “_Alicia_,” a second time and snaps her out of it. Alicia helps support Madison, and together, they get her to the back of the van. Madison drops heavily onto the steps, exhaling.

“What now?” Alicia asks Al.

Al ignores her. “We have food,” she offers. “Water. I think I have –”

“Don’t waste your food on me,” Madison cuts in. “I’m as good as dead.”

“You aren’t dead yet.”

Madison manages a smile. “I’m not hungry. Must have something to do with the infection. If we could just get on with this, I’d appreciate it.”

“You have time left,” Alicia blurts. “You don’t have to do this now.”

“I’d rather get it over with,” Madison says. “I’m tired of being alone.”

“Okay,” Al says. She reaches for the handgun holstered at her hip, but Alicia reaches over and grabs her hand, stopping her.

“I’ve got it,” Alicia says quietly.

“Alicia –”

“I’ve got it,” Alicia insists. She releases Al’s hand, exhaling. “There’s a, um, there’s a park – we passed it on our way here. We should go there.”

Madison agrees. Al drives them there, and Al and Alicia help Madison to one of the benches. Madison struggles to breathe, slumping down on the bench.

“You’re sure?” Alicia asks.

Madison nods.

The gunshot echoes throughout the empty town. Alicia lowers the Glock. She feels Al’s eyes on her.

“Do you have a shovel?” Alicia asks.

She digs a grave in the park near a tree, not finishing until the sun has begun to set. Sweat pours down her face even though she’d removed her leather jacket before starting. Her tank top provides little protection from the sun, and by the time Alicia determines the grave is deep enough, her arms, shoulders, and face are red.

“We’ll be back in the morning,” Alicia distantly hears Al say into the walkie. “There was a…complication. Yeah, we’re fine. It was someone else. We’re fine, June. We’ll spend the night out here, get the rest of the supplies in the morning, and be back before noon, hopefully.”

Alicia climbs out of the grave and wipes the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. She accidentally smears dirt across her face. She drops the shovel to the ground and takes a moment to breathe. She watches Al walk over out of the corner of her eye.

“I thought you wanted this to be a fast trip,” Al says. “But you dug a grave for a girl you didn’t even want to stop for.”

Alicia, against her will, bursts into tears. An _oh shit _look dances across Al’s face in the moments before she begins to backtrack, but Alicia cuts her off by shoving her, hard.

“Her name was Madison, you fucking asshole,” Alicia chokes out. She gasps for air and knocks Al’s arm away from her when she reaches out.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Al says. “I’m sorry.”

“You said it would be okay if we stopped to help her,” Alicia whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Al repeats. She pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and gently wipes the dirt from Alicia’s face. Al folds the handkerchief over then wipes the tears from Alicia’s cheeks. “Go drink some water,” Al says. “I’ll finish this.”

Alicia hesitates a half a second then flings her arms around Al’s neck. Al stiffens in surprise but gets her arms around Alicia’s back tentatively. It isn’t until after her face is pressed against Al’s shoulder that Alicia realizes what she’s doing.

“Sorry,” Alicia says quickly. She shoves herself back and walks off without waiting for Al’s response. She sips water, seated on the steps of the van, as Al sets Madison’s body into the grave and shovels all the dirt back in.

It’s a long, sleepless night for Alicia, spent sprawled out in the back of the van. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees Madison – both her mother and the poor girl she’d shot just hours earlier.

Al sleeps heavily across the aisle, one arm dangling off the side of the seats. Her jacket serves as a pillow, her shirt unbuttoned and hanging open. If Alicia concentrates, she can see Al’s chest steadily rising and falling.

Alicia falls asleep right before the sun rises, and Al shakes her awake only a couple hours later. Alicia’s eyes pop open, and she doesn’t even feel tired. They finish collecting supplies and drive back to the factory. The moment the van parks, Alicia hops out.

“Hey!” Al calls, hurrying after Alicia. She grabs her by the elbow, but Alicia immediately yanks free, teeth bared.

“Don’t,” Alicia warns. Al pulls her hands back, raises them in surrender. “What do you want?” Alicia asks.

Al hesitates. “Are we good?”

Alicia shakes her head. “We’re not even friends, Al,” she says. “What do you care?”

Al balks. “Wow,” she says. “Not even friends?”

“Barely friends,” Alicia corrects. “I’ll send June out to help you unload.”

3

Blood drips from Alicia’s face. Her eyes open, and she forces herself not to panic even as it tightens in her chest. She unstraps herself but doesn’t find her gun barrel hooked to her belt. She’d argued against trying to fly every chance she got since Morgan first pitched the idea. Her experience with Ryan has stuck; what if Logan’s the same?

Morgan’s unconscious in his seat, and Alicia leaves him. John’s already working on freeing himself, and Alicia can already hear the dead approaching. She steps out of the cabin and locates a jagged piece of the plane’s propeller. The dead are coming. It’ll do.

She doesn’t realize the propeller has been slicing into her hands until Morgan relieves her. She drops the propeller to the dirt, and it’s slick with her blood.

“Alicia! I could use a hand!” John shouts. He’s at the cockpit, and Alicia rushes to his side. “Get them free,” he orders. “Luci is hurt pretty bad. Send June over as soon as you can.”

She wants to ask John what _hurt pretty bad _means, but she just nods and takes John’s place at the cockpit. She frees June first. Her hair’s plastered to her face with blood, but June is oddly alert.

“Luci needs your help,” Alicia tells her. “John’s already there.”

June nods and departs, leaving Alicia to haul Al out of the cockpit. She hears Al’s last, desperate attempt to get a message through to Strand. Alicia leans down and holds her hand out to Al as Al unstraps herself from the pilot’s chair. Alicia helps Al climb up and out of the cockpit.

“You’re bleeding,” Al says. She reaches out and touches her fingertips against Alicia’s temple, right next to the gash. Alicia recoils from the touch.

“You’re bleeding, too,” Alicia says. And she is. There’s a nasty cut in Al’s forehead.

“Your hands,” Al murmurs.

Alicia jerks away from her again, shaking her head. “Come on,” she says. “Luci needs our help.”

“What happened to Luci?” Al asks.

“I don’t know,” Alicia admits. “John just said it’s pretty bad.”

“Help Morgan,” Al says. “I’ll help John and June. But first, bandage your hands.”

“I will,” Alicia lies. Well, in all honesty, Alicia doesn’t intend to lie. She forgets about her hands ten seconds later when she goes to help Morgan fend off the dead, even though they keep dripping blood, even though the blood makes it hard for her to keep a good grip on her weapon.

Al finds the gun barrel scattered amongst the debris sometime later. When she hands it to Alicia, her eyes drop to Alicia’s hands, ripped raw from the propeller.

“Forget about it,” Alicia says before Al can make a comment. “I’ll take care of it later.”

_Later _doesn’t come until they’re in the back of Annie’s van. June’s preoccupied with Luci, understandably, since she still has part of that pole jammed through her shoulder. Al winds bandages around Alicia’s hands carefully. Alicia barely feels the pain anymore, and now that they’re away from the wreckage, she can fully worry about Luci’s condition.

Morgan, though, is still more concerned with helping Logan. Alicia tries to tune Morgan out as Al dabs at the cut in her face.

“You’re still bleeding,” Alicia tells Al.

“Don’t worry about me,” Al replies.

Alicia rolls her eyes. “Someone should worry about you,” she says. She keeps her voice low, but John and Morgan are focused on their conversation in the row ahead of them. “You crashed a plane,” Alicia adds.

Al flinches. “Yeah. I did.”

The van pulls up at the truck stop Logan directed them to over the radio. Annie’s driving leaves a lot to be desired, and they’re all jostled around when the van comes to a stop.

“Take care of your head,” Alicia says. She unfastens her seatbelt. “And promise me one thing?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop being so reckless,” Alicia says. “You crashed a plane, for fuck’s sake. Get it together.”

Al cracks a smile and nods. “Fine,” she says. “I promise to _try _to stop being so reckless.”

Alicia shakes her head, fighting a smile of her own. “You’re going to get yourself killed,” she says. “Or worse. You’ll kill all of us.”

“Hasn’t happened yet, sweetheart, and I crashed a plane.”

Al winks at her, and Alicia’s cheeks redden. She hops out of the van, makes sure June has Luci under control, and goes to clear the truck stop.

Logan isn’t there, and it isn’t long before Morgan contacts him over the radio. Alicia should’ve listened to her gut, and she takes this frustration out on the radio. Morgan has to stop her from smashing it – it’s their only way to contact Strand, after all – and for a half a second, Alicia thinks maybe her rage should be directed at Morgan for getting them into this situation.

“Okay, let’s all calm down,” Al says loudly. She steps between Alicia and Morgan before Alicia has the chance to let Morgan know how she feels. “Try to reach Strand,” Al tells Morgan. “Call us if you need more help with Luci,” Al says to June.

Al takes Alicia by the shoulder and guides her to the back, away from the rest of their group. Alicia resists the urge to shake Al’s hand off of her and allows herself to be led away.

“I told you to stop being reckless,” Alicia grumbles. “But maybe I should’ve told Morgan.”

“He needs to figure it out for himself,” Al says.

“He won’t.” Alicia pauses. “Why’d you bring me back here?”

“To stop you from breaking Morgan’s face,” Al says. “How do your hands feel?”

Alicia literally ripped her palms to shreds with the propeller. “Sore,” she answers. “But it’s not too bad.”

Al shoots her a dubious look. “Right,” she says.

“You never got June to look at your head,” Alicia says. “You could be concussed –”

“I’m fine,” Al interrupts. “I’ve had much worse, trust me.”

Alicia sighs as Al jams her hands into her pockets and shrugs. “Get June to look at your head, please,” Alicia requests.

“Why are you so concerned?” Al asks. She flashes a quick grin. “It’s not like we’re friends, remember?”

Alicia falters. “I – I said that a long time ago,” she says weakly. “And I didn’t – I didn’t mean it.”

“Didn’t mean it or shouldn’t have said it?”

“Both.”

Al nods. “That was almost an apology,” she jokes.

“I’m sorry,” Alicia says.

“I know.”

Alicia blinks. “So will you get June to look at your head now?”

Al smirks. “Sure, sweetheart. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll talk to June.”

“Stop calling me _sweetheart_.”

Al laughs. “Only if you get June to check on your hands.”

4

Alicia sucks up her pride and goes to June first. Luci, thankfully, is resting. June cleans Alicia’s hands more thoroughly than Al had and wraps them tightly in bandages again. Alicia thanks her quietly and spares a glance toward Luci. Her chest rises and falls steadily, her shoulder heavily bandaged, her arm in a sling.

“Al said she’d come see you,” Alicia tells June. “Make sure she isn’t concussed, okay? I’m gonna clear the truck stop’s perimeter.”

“Be careful with your hands,” June warns.

Alicia waves her off. Her hands are fine. The kids, when they took off, didn’t bother to shut the gate behind them. Why would they? Walkers have already gathered around, and Alicia spends the next few hours dispatching them and dragging their bodies outside of the gate. At least it mostly keeps her mind off her anger at Logan and Morgan. Mostly.

When Alicia goes back inside, she almost immediately goes to sleep. She only gets a few hours before someone’s shaking her awake. Alicia’s eyes pop open, and the first thing she’s aware of is the rain pounding on the roof.

“What’s going on?” Alicia mumbles.

“There’s a problem,” June says.

“What?” Alicia yawns.

“Al’s gone.”

Alicia freezes mid-yawn. “What?” she repeats, sharper this time.

“Morgan said she went back to the wreckage,” June informs.

“We need to go –”

“Alicia, it’s pouring,” June cuts in. “And it’s the middle of the night. It isn’t safe, especially not for Luci. She could come back.”

That fucking _idiot_. Alicia gets to her feet, but there’s nothing for her to do. She realizes everyone else is awake, even Luci.

“If she isn’t back by morning, we’re going after her,” Alicia declares.

No one disagrees.

Al isn’t back by morning. True to her word, the moment the sun rises, Alicia heads out to search for her. Morgan comes along, even though Alicia would’ve rather had John. She does her best to ignore Morgan, because it’s his fault they’re even out here in the first place.

They spend most of the day searching and trying to radio Al. Alicia still isn’t ready to quit when the sun begins to set, even though she’s drenched in sweat and sunburned, even though Morgan’s urging her to return to the truck stop.

“We’ll find her,” Morgan assures her. “She’ll come back.”

“It’s my fault,” Alicia blurts. “It’s my fault she left.”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Morgan replies.

“No,” Alicia says. “I should’ve known she’d leave. I should’ve stopped her, but I was asleep. It’s my fault.”

Morgan claps her on the shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he suggests. “We’ll find her soon. We need to go back now, though. It’s getting dark.”

Alicia only sleeps that night out of necessity. She doesn’t want to be too exhausted to search tomorrow. So she sleeps, and she wakes up early, and they start all over again. This time, Morgan and John come along, but they split up to cover more ground. They all keep their walkies close.

When the sun begins to set with no further progress made, Alicia almost cries. Tonight, she doesn’t sleep. She doesn’t get why she’s so overwhelmed with concern. Al can handle herself. Alicia still can’t help but see the hundreds of ways Al could have died out there. For all they know, they haven’t found her – and she isn’t responding on the walkie – because she’s lying dead in a creek somewhere.

Alicia goes out on the third day with Morgan again, but halfway through the day, Alicia forces him to split off from her to cover more ground. If they have no luck today –

Alicia doesn’t let herself entertain the possibility that Al isn’t alive. She has to be alive. Back when they’d tried to help Ryan, Al had said she wasn’t interested in dying yet; she’d promised to do everything in her power to stay alive.

One more broken promise, Alicia supposes, right alongside the _not being reckless _thing.

More than half the day has passed when the walkie crackles. “Alicia? Morgan? Do you copy?”

Alicia stops in her tracks and yanks the walkie off her belt. “Al? Is that you?”

After a slight pause, Al says, “Yeah, I’m – um, I can give you a place to meet me?”

“I’m on my way,” Alicia agrees. She’s close – well, kind of close. Way closer than Morgan; he isn’t even within Al’s range. Alicia has to fill him in, and she tells him to go back to the truck stop and wait.

“Are you sure?” Morgan asks.

“I’ve got this,” Alicia insists. “I’ll bring her back.”

Morgan doesn’t argue. Alicia treks through the woods, and she swears she hears something that sounds like some sort of aircraft taking off. She looks overhead but sees nothing, but if Alicia had to guess, she’d say it sounds like a helicopter?

Before Alicia can analyze that further, she hears a soft, “Alicia?”

Alicia spots Al, seated against a tree. The cut in her forehead from the plane crash, three days ago, still looks raw. The smile Al sends Alicia is tired, and it matches her eyes. Al pushes herself to her feet, and that smile stays on her face as they stare at each other.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Alicia finally says.

“I’m a little more than just a fucking idiot,” Al agrees. “But I’m here.”

“You could’ve _died_.”

“But I didn’t.”

Alicia closes the distance between them, launching herself into Al’s arms. Al stumbles slightly then steadies them both as the shock wears off.

“You’re choking me,” Al manages to say next to Alicia’s ear.

“You _promised _to stop being so reckless.”

“I promised I’d _try _to stop,” Al corrects. “And you’re still choking me.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” Alicia snaps. She loosens her grip around Al’s neck and shifts back, planting her hands on Al’s shoulders. They’re still in each other’s space, and it takes a moment before Alicia realizes they’re uncomfortably close. Practically breathing each other’s air. “Please don’t do this again,” Alicia whispers. “You can’t leave me like that.”

“Leave you?” Al questions.

“Us,” Alicia corrects. Damn it. Her face heats up, and Al cracks a smile as she chuckles.

“You took that very personally, Alicia,” Al murmurs.

“I would’ve gone with you,” Alicia says. “But you didn’t ask.”

“You would’ve stopped me,” Al says.

“Would I?” Alicia asks.

Al doesn’t seem to have an answer to that. She merely shrugs. “I guess we should go back.”

“Not until you say you won’t leave again,” Alicia says. She chews on her lower lip. “At least, not without me.”

“I promise not to leave again,” Al says. “And if I do leave again, I promise to take you with me. Are we good now?”

Alicia inhales sharply. She could simply say _yes_ and release her hold on Al and walk back to the truck stop. Maybe it’s the lack of quality sleep on top of both mental and physical exhaustion that drives Alicia to not act rationally. She closes the short gap between them and presses her lips to Al’s. She knots her fingers in Al’s hair and hopes she won’t regret not thinking this through first. Plus, Alicia hasn’t kissed anyone in, like, at least a year. She almost expects Al to push her away.

Al pushes her hands beneath Alicia’s jacket, resting them on her waist, her fingers curling against Alicia’s back. Alicia nips at Al’s lower lip, trying to urge Al to push things a little farther – even though they’re in the middle of the woods and a helicopter might’ve taken off somewhere nearby, as crazy as that would be.

Al breaks them apart and keeps them broken apart even when Alicia groans her protest. “We need to go back,” Al says.

“I don’t want to go back.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Alicia sighs and takes her hand back from Al’s hair. “You’re right,” she admits. “Luci needs us.”

“Let’s go back,” Al says gently. “And then I swear I won’t leave again, okay?”

Alicia agrees. She offers to carry Al’s bag, but Al turns her down. Al also refuses to talk about what happened, but Alicia catches a glimpse of her wrists, surprised to find them bruised and rubbed raw. Like she’d been handcuffed or something. But then Al’s sleeves cover her wrists, and Alicia forgets to ask. By the time Al’s seated in front of June to have her inspect her injured foot, Alicia decides it’d be wrong to draw attention to Al’s wrists in front of the entire group.

They spend that night at the truck stop, too, and Alicia has a hard time sleeping again, even after Al falls asleep first. They lie side-by-side, arms pressed together, and as exhausted as Alicia is, her eyes won’t stay shut. Every time she almost slips into sleep, she jerks awake, gripped with the fear that Al might be gone when she wakes up.

Halfway through the night, Alicia shakes Al awake. Al grunts and bolts upright, like she’s forgotten where she is, and only relaxes when her eyes land on Alicia.

“What’s up?” Al mumbles.

“You really aren’t going to leave again, right?” Alicia asks.

Al pauses. Her eyes study Alicia’s face for a moment before she carefully says, “I’m really not going to leave again. And if I _do _leave again, you’ll be with me, okay?”

“Okay,” Alicia says.

“Is that it?”

“Yeah,” Alicia says. “I just – I can’t sleep. I keep thinking – I’m afraid to wake up and see you’re gone.”

Al brushes Alicia’s hair out of her eyes and smiles. “I won’t be gone,” she says. “I’ll be right here.”

5

Alicia punches a man in the face in her attempt to break free, and she succeeds. She sprints away from her captors, dodging her people and pioneers alike until she reaches Al. Ginny spots Alicia first, and Ginny just smiles and adjusts her hat when Alicia collides with Al and crushes her in her arms – not that Al complains.

“They can’t do this,” Alicia breathes. She clings to Al, not realizing Al’s camera is within Ginny’s grasp instead. “They can’t separate us like this.”

“Alicia,” Al murmurs. “You need to let go.”

“I won’t let it happen.”

“Then we’ll die,” Al says.

“I’d listen to your girlfriend,” Ginny pipes up.

Al tightens her hold on Alicia to prevent her from breaking free and going after Ginny. “Don’t,” Al says through her teeth. “Don’t do this, Alicia. Go where you’re told. It’ll all be okay soon. I promise.”

Alicia tenses. Slowly, she releases Al, but she doesn’t step out of Al’s space.

“Come on,” Ginny says. “Let’s go, Alicia. I have a place for you.”

Alicia’s eyes search Al’s face, but Al just sets her jaw and hopes her eyes say it all.

“I’ll find you,” Alicia says, touching her fingertips to Al’s jaw. “I promise.”

“I know,” Al replies. “We’ll see each other again.”

Alicia blinks back the tears that threaten to spill over as Ginny takes her arm and pulls her away. They don’t look away from each other until Alicia’s shoved into one of the pioneers’ vehicles. Even then, she doesn’t take her eyes off of Al until the vehicle drives off.

Alicia doesn’t know what lies ahead for Al – she doesn’t know what lies ahead for herself.

Ginny turns her attention back to Al and smiles. “It’d be really unfortunate,” Ginny says, “if we had to involve Alicia in this, wouldn’t it?”

“Touch her and I’ll kill you myself.”

Ginny laughs and puts her hands on her hips. “I don’t doubt that you’d try,” Ginny says. “But I think it’s in your best interest to just tell me everything you know about that helicopter. I’ll make sure I see you right away in the morning.”

Al’s pushed into a vehicle by herself. She holds onto the hope that Alicia’s right, that Alicia will find her eventually.

That hope is all she’s got left.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm getting really bogged down with school work, but I am still writing. It's just taking me more time. I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, and I'll respond as quickly as possible!


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